If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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