The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
