then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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