I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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