Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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