God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
