Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
