I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
