Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
