Her vagina should come with caution tape.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
