my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
