i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
