clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
