This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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