I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
