So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
