i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
