false alarm. still invincible.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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