Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
