we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
