Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
