sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my shit smells like andre
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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