HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
