K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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