bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
