i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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