2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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