i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You don't make any sense
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