He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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