Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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