I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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