He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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