Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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