OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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