My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
