she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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