My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
