Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
