Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
