I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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