dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
