So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
