oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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