I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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