so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
