I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
