i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
