Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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