you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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