I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
