Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
