if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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