...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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