Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Pappa wants mamma naked
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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